Quick guide to understanding body type on dating sites

What They Say What It Means
Curvy Fat
Average Fat
Slim Fat, but wrists are only slightly chunky.
Fit Meant to type fat. Sausage fingers hit i instead.
Athletic Fat and delusional
Prefer Not To Say Fat
A Little Extra A little extra cheese on everything
Other Jabba The Fat
Voluptuous Fat

I hope this handy list helps. If you have any of your own, feel free to contribute, and I will add them.

The Tinder Experience Explained

Here’s a quick reference guide for tinder-er-er’s:

  • No pictures below the neck means not thin. Not by a long shot.
  • Pictures look old as hell or she looks very different among pictures means she’s old, possibly lying about age, and/or hasn’t aged well. Expect alcoholism.
  • Terrible grammar means you’re going to have a bad time. I mean, “ur going 2 have bad time”.
  • Over-sharer (“just on here because my ex of forever died in a tragically when I was giving him a blowjob. Needless to say…I’m on the market.”) means she’s going to be an emotionally unstable wreck who sleeps around and borrows money she won’t pay back.
  • Thirty thousand pictures of her kid means that’s all you’re going to hear about. She also might be pregnant when you meet her.
  • Pictures of her making out with dude means no common sense when it comes to social mores and probably entitled as anything, such as entitled to sleeping with all your friends before even kissing you good night.
  • She’s hot means it’s a bot. They all might be actually.
  • She’s extremely forward and wants to bang you within seconds means post-op or pre-op?

Remember. If it seems too good to be true, then just dive in.

YOLO, bitches.