DID YOU READ THE BOOK?

Have you ever heard the expression, “You can’t judge a book by its cover?” … “Why do you think people say that?”

And his rebuttal was essentially, “I didn’t judge it by the cover. I judged it by the title.”

How stupid is that?? No, idiot, you shouldn’t judge books by the title either. Below is a list of book titles and what they are not about.

  • To Kill a Mockingbird – Not a hunting book
  • The Catcher in the Rye – Not a story about baseball in the Midwest
  • Lord of the Flies – A day in the life of a royal housefly
  • The Grapes of Wrath – When fruit bites back
  • Their Eyes Were Watching God – The inner workings of religious retreats
  • All the King’s Men – An encyclopedia of men that worked for the King
  • The Deer Hunter – Nothing to do with hunting deer
  • 1984 – An almanac of the year 1984

Public-access TV host bombarded with prank calls

You have to love that this guy can keep a straight face while being steadily prank called over and over for at least five minutes. He keeps up a one sided conversation all the while. Hilarious.

“Hello?” “Hello.”
“Good evening…. Hello???”
“Hello. How you doing?”
“Good evening.”

The Tinder Experience Explained

Here’s a quick reference guide for tinder-er-er’s:

  • No pictures below the neck means not thin. Not by a long shot.
  • Pictures look old as hell or she looks very different among pictures means she’s old, possibly lying about age, and/or hasn’t aged well. Expect alcoholism.
  • Terrible grammar means you’re going to have a bad time. I mean, “ur going 2 have bad time”.
  • Over-sharer (“just on here because my ex of forever died in a tragically when I was giving him a blowjob. Needless to say…I’m on the market.”) means she’s going to be an emotionally unstable wreck who sleeps around and borrows money she won’t pay back.
  • Thirty thousand pictures of her kid means that’s all you’re going to hear about. She also might be pregnant when you meet her.
  • Pictures of her making out with dude means no common sense when it comes to social mores and probably entitled as anything, such as entitled to sleeping with all your friends before even kissing you good night.
  • She’s hot means it’s a bot. They all might be actually.
  • She’s extremely forward and wants to bang you within seconds means post-op or pre-op?

Remember. If it seems too good to be true, then just dive in.

YOLO, bitches.

Four Reasons You Won’t get the Job

The reason a job goes unfilled has only four main possibilities:

  1. The job doesn’t pay enough to merit a response from qualified candidates,
  2. The qualified candidates are older than the employer would like to see,
  3. The job posting isn’t real, it’s just an excuse to make someone within the organization fill in for a job above his/her pay grade without suitable compensation,
  4. The person doing the hiring has no idea what the job really entails and thus doesn’t forward candidates for fear of making a bad hire.

These is just the phenomenas which have been observed, and nowadays number 3 is particularly prevalent. After all, it is perfectly reasonable to require 8-10 years of experience for an entry level position. How else can we justify not actually hiring anyone and paying our overqualified, burned out employees so little?