Things that you can trust more than Political Party Insiders

• Mexican tap water
• A wolverine with a ‘pet me’ sign
• A mixed drink made by Bill Cosby
• A straight edge shave from Jodi Arias
• A “Coin Toss” at a local Iowa Caucus
• An elevator ride with Ray Rice
• A night out with Aaron Hernandez
• Brian Williams memory
• A cigar offered to me by Bill Clinton
• Pete Carroll coaching decisions
• Loch Ness monster sightings
• OJ Simpson showing me his knife collection
• Pinocchio
• A North Korea “Satellite” launch
• Hilary Clinton’s investigation into Bengazi
• Prayers for peace from Al Sharpton
• MSNBC’s news reports
• Gas station Sushi
• Killery’s claim that no American lives were lost in Libya
• A Jimmy Carter economic plan
• Bill Clinton’s claim he never had inappropriate relationships
• An Obama Nuclear deal with Iran
• Michael Jackson’s Doctor
• MeCHA, La Raza, and LULAC’s claim they’re not racists
• A Jeffery Dahmer dinner invitation
• Obama’s investigation into the IRS Targeting Scandal
• The Boy that cried Wolf
• The verification of Oblamo’s birth certificate
• Harry Reid’s exercise equipment
• Tying Anthony Weiner’s shoes
• The direct number to the State Department in case of a riot
• A factory packed parachute
• Biden’s home defense shotgun plan
• A kiss from Judas
• An Afghan wearing a backpack
• A Supreme Court decision
• Keeping my healthcare plan
• A police report filed by former Breitbart reporter Michelle Fields
• A North Korea trial by jury
• A BIC pen that doesn’t leak
• Flint Michigan water supply
• CA State Senator Kevin de Leon’s knowledge of firearms (ghost gun “dispensing” 30 round caliber clip in 1/2 sec. )
• A chinese newspaper
• Lying Ted’s version of “truth”
• Electronic Voting Machines
• Paul “let’s repeal- VACATE THE CHAIR” Ryan…..
• A business proposition from the Nigerian Minister of Finance
• A week old tuna fish sandwich found on a filthy city bus

Bill and Hillary Clinton – Trust and Marriage

Things you can trust more than a Clinton being educated on the Constitution, Declaration of Independence, or the rule of law for that matter. :

• Mexican tap water
• A wolverine with a ‘pet me’ sign
• A mixed drink made by Bill Cosby
• A straight edge shave from Jodi Arias
• A “Coin Toss” at a local Iowa Caucus
• An elevator ride with Ray Rice
• A night out with Aaron Hernandez
• Brian Williams memory
• A cigar offered to me by Bill Clinton
• Pete Carroll coaching decisions
• Loch Ness monster sightings
• OJ Simpson showing me his knife collection
• Pinocchio
• A North Korea “Satellite” launch
• Hilary Clinton’s investigation into Bengazi
• Prayers for peace from Al Sharpton
• MSNBC’s news reports
• Gas station Sushi
• A Jimmy Carter economic plan
• Bill Clinton’s claim he never had inappropriate relationships
• An Obama Nuclear deal with Iran
• Michael Jackson’s Doctor
• MeCHA, La Raza, and LULAC’s claim they’re not racists
• A Jeffery Dahmer dinner invitation
• Obama’s investigation into the IRS Targeting Scandal
• The Boy that cried Wolf
• Harry Reid’s exercise equipment
• Tying Anthony Weiner’s shoes
• The direct number to the State Department in case of a riot
• A factory packed parachute
• A kiss from Judas
• An Afghan wearing a backpack
• A Supreme Court decision
• Keeping my healthcare plan
• A North Korea trial by jury
• A BIC pen that doesn’t leak
• Flint Michigan water supply
• Electronic Voting Machines
• A business proposition from the Nigerian Minister of Finance
• A week old tuna fish sandwich found on a filthy city bus

Quick guide to understanding body type on dating sites

What They Say What It Means
BBW Fat
Curvy Fat
Average Fat
Slim Fat, but wrists are only slightly chunky.
Fit Meant to type fat. Sausage fingers hit i instead.
Athletic Fat and delusional
Prefer Not To Say Fat
A Little Extra A little extra cheese on everything
Other Jabba The Fat
Voluptuous Fat

I hope this handy list helps. If you have any of your own, feel free to contribute, and I will add them.

Fatty Bingo

I love that free spot, it’s basically a given that you will hear it if the conversation comes out.

Bingo

It is so beautiful, a tear made of pure high fructose corn syrup fell up from out my eye.

Names for Fat People

Beetus Behemoth
Betusbux
Blobnoxious
Buffet Rapist
Bush Hog
Butter Belugas
Butter Chud
Butter Golem
Butter Huffer
Butter Huffers
Butter Slug
Butterbomb
Chunk-a-dunk
Chunkbeast
Corpulent
Ditch Pig
Doughboy
Eatbeast
Fat inActivists
Fatass
Fatfuck
Fattus beastus
Fatty
Fatty McFatFat
Flabulous
Fupa Trupa
Fupanova
Ham
Hambeast
Hamilly, horizontally enhanced
Hamlord
Hammoth
Hogbeast
Lardass
Lardlurker
Lardtard
Lasagna Druid
Mayo Tankers
Mayonnaise Tanker
Obeast
Obese with Jealousy
Pig
Porker
Salad Swerver
Seaham
Shit cake
Shitcow
The Waddling Dead
Tub of goo
Tub of lard
Tub of shit
Whaleplanet
Fucklard
Mayonnaise grenade
Pancake graveyard
Warpig

Festive Fat Names (for concerts and theater)

Agent 00700 pounds
Avoids the Gym Class Heroes
Bruno Mars Bar
Can’t Run DMC
FatBoy Not-So-Slim
Fleetwood Big Mac
Girth Brooks
Jimmy eat the world
Jon Bon Bon Jovi
Linkin Pork
Pig Floyd
William Milkshakespehere

For Infamous or Otherwise Well-Known People

Fupa Gooding Jr.
Bill Pie the Thyroid Cry
Fat Leblanc
Fat Damon
Mr./Mrs. Thigh-chafe

And Some for the DIY kind of person

Make your own with the following prefixes:
Butter, Ham, Blubber, Whale, Mayo, Lard. Suffixes: Beast, Huffer, Golem, Planet, Pig, Bag, Behemoth, Barrel, Tub. Now you can mix and match your own, just like a fatshion tubblrina!

Iranian leader ‘s letter to Obama

Iranian leader Ayatollah Khamenei recently sent President Obama a secret letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Obama opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Obama was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Naval Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds Naval Intelligence cabled back with this reply, “Tell the President he’s holding the message upside down.”

Barack Obama Voting

Obama showed up to vote early without ID.

The lady at the counter asked, “If you don’t have ID, how do I know you’re really Barack Obama?”.

Obama stated, “I don’t have a clue in the world”.

She replied “Yep, it’s clearly you Mr President. Here’s your ballot”.

PTSD

What if lack of pasta was the source of your depression?

And PTSD stood for “Pasta with Tomato Sauce Deficiency”.

I need more carbs in my diet. 🙁