Quick guide to understanding body type on dating sites

What They Say What It Means
Curvy Fat
Average Fat
Slim Fat, but wrists are only slightly chunky.
Fit Meant to type fat. Sausage fingers hit i instead.
Athletic Fat and delusional
Prefer Not To Say Fat
A Little Extra A little extra cheese on everything
Other Jabba The Fat
Voluptuous Fat

I hope this handy list helps. If you have any of your own, feel free to contribute, and I will add them.

Guide to online dating

Some help navigating the world of online profiles – primarily for browsing female profiles. It has been my experience that the following are the red flags you need to be aware of, in random order of importance:

  1. The “MySpace angle” or head-shot only photos
  2. No full body picture
  3. No visible collarbone
  4. Bad teeth, as in inflamed gums and poor overall dental hygiene
  5. Only group photos. If there is only a group photo, they’re the fatty
  6. Hair covering cheeks.
  7. When they wear their hair down so it makes their neck look narrower.
  8. When they wear a low-cut blouse with an open jacket on top, and then crop their shoulders out of the photo.
  9. Puffy creases in their armpits.
  10. Pictures with food. Interest in food. Is a “foodie”.
  11. “Not looking to hook up” in an attempt to maintain the narrative that they’re somewhat physically desirable.

Of course there are more. Don’t be fatfished!