Raising a Canadian

The problem with owning a Canadian is their special dietary and living needs. Your free range Canadian lives exclusively on a diet of maple syrup and back-bacon. And will only bed on a large pile of fresh maple leaves ringed with snow.

I blame the Republicans for big butts.

Oh my god, Becky, look at her butt
It is so big

She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends
Who understands those rap guys
They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute, ok?
I mean her butt
It’s just so big
I can’t believe it’s so round
It’s just out there
I mean, it’s gross
Look, she’s just so black

Nostalgia

I remember the good old days, when used to get nostalgic about the things that mattered. We sat out there, and used to reminisce for hours and hours about all the things we used to love, all the good times, and all the fun we used to have, when things were cheaper and life was simpler, we enjoyed reminiscing, and we loved to do it.

But now … it’s different.

You don’t really get nostalgic these days, you don’t have the time to look back and just think “man it really was better back then.”

Nowadays, what little nostalgia there is is forced upon us, through this dang Internet thing. Back in the day you actually had to find someone to be nostalgic with, but now you can just sign on to a website and just say, “Hey do you remember this?”

Within minutes hundreds of people swap stories about their pasts.

Sure, it’s convenient, but where’s that warmth, the sense of shared personal experiences that bonds people together?

I remember, this one time, me and a friend of mine, must have been two thousand and naught, we just sat in a park, didn’t do anything at all, and just talked about all the stuff we liked from the nineties or whenever. Filled the whole afternoon with reminiscing about all sorts of stuff. Now all I can do is post relevant things into some web forum or blog comment and even then, am I doing it for the joy of being nostalgic, or just for the click/page views that comes with it?

Nostalgia got worse as we got older. Its not like it was back when we were first getting nostalgic.

Kids these days will never know what it really means to be nostalgic.

The Universe is a Simulation OR The Creator is a Gamer

A guy was at his computer and started up Conway’s game of life. Since this was the newest, latest model of your favorite computer workstation the simulation creatures became sentient.

They discovered they are made of cells.

They said, “Look, THE INFINITESIMAL CELL is always created from NOTHING. If things happens FROM NOTHING, there is NO NEED FOR A CREATOR, so THERE IS NO CREATOR, and besides NOBODY ever witnessed something different THAN THE DETERMINISTIC APPLICATION OF RULES. How smart are we?”

So the guy at the PC said to himself, “Thank you for nothing, guys” and went making himself some coffee.

But before he left, he sent the computer a “restart ALL services” command from the Root Prompt.

And it was DONE.

Theory Of Catastrophic Climate Change

Possible scenarios

  • Warm places getting warmer
  • Warm places getting colder
  • Cold places getting warmer
  • Cold places getting colder
  • Dry places getting drier
  • Dry places getting wetter
  • Wet places getting dryer
  • Wet places getting wetter