The Cold Winter

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.

He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is the coming winter going to be cold?” “It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,” the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

One week later he called the National Weather Service again. “Is it going to be a very cold winter?” “Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “it’s going to be a very cold winter.” The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. “Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?” “Absolutely,” the man replied. “It’s going to be one of the coldest winters ever.” “How can you be so sure?” the Chief asked.

The weather man replied, “The Indians are collecting wood like crazy.”

How many badgers it would take to fill the sun?

Well, a full grown American badger is approx. 90 cm long. assuming they are three times as long as they are tall, we can approximate a badger as a cylinder with volume of 0.063 meters^3. These are also very fat, very grumpy badgers of the Badgerius Cylindrius subspecies, which are known for, among other things, being perfectly cylindrical and incompressible.

The sun has a volume of 1.409×10^18 kilometers^3 , so it would take  2.252×10^28 badgers to fill it up. Alternatively written as 22,365,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 fully-grown badgers. Give or take. Therefore, 3.2 Quintillion badgers for every person on earth.

Furthermore, if you pile up that many badgers in one place, the ones on the inside are going to be compressed to an even smaller volume; the density of degenerate badgers could be very high. The density of the Sun is about 1.4 g/cm^3 and the density of a Sun-sized sphere of badgers could be higher.

Eurasian badgers weigh around 18 kg, which, assuming a density similar to that of water, makes for a total volume of about 0.018 meter^3. A badger with a volume of 0.063 meter^3 would weigh about 63 kilograms, or 139 pounds. So there’s room for a lot more badgers of this variety in the Sun than the previous calculations indicate.

African badgers are nonmigratory.

There would likely be fusion at the core, though probably not as strongly as in the Sun since badgers contain some hydrogen, but not in as high a proportion as the Sun. There would probably have to be more badgers added as the core collapses to maintain the size. Note, adding mushrooms and/or snakes probably won’t affect the physics much.

The real question is, if we used Honey Badgers, would they even care?

Pick a Set of Deadly Sins

Just remember the 7 deadly sins as we know them are not in the Bible. They are more of the Catholic belief. Proverbs 6:16-19 lists 7:

1.A proud look
2.A lying tongue
3.Hands that shed innocent blood
4.A heart that devises wicked plots
5.Feet that are swift to run into mischief
6.A deceitful witness that uttereth lies
7.Him that soweth discord among brethren

Another list, (Galatians 5:19-21), includes more of the traditional seven sins, although the list is longer: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings.

So take your pick.

President Selfie

[To the tune of Kodachrome]

When I think back on all the crap I take form Congress.
It’s a wonder I can rule at all.
And though my legistlative failures haven’t hurt me none.
I can keep Chris Matthews in a thrall.

Cameraphooooone
Funerals are so boring.
It’s Nelson they’re all adoring
So I’ll just take this selfie and tweet it out oh yeah!
I got an Smart Phone camera.
I love to take photographs.
Michelle please don’t take my cameraphone away.

If you took all the people who think that I’m the greatest
And put them all together in one place.
I know that I would have more mourners than Mandela
Everyone just wants to see my face.

Cameraphooooone
Funerals are so boring.
It’s Nelson they’re all adoring
So I’ll just take this selfie and tweet it out oh yeah!
I got an Smart Phone camera.
I love to take photographs.
Michelle please don’t take my cameraphone away.

What’s the number one reason you hate your job?

I do absolutely nothing and get paid for it. More like 95% nothing but still,
0.95 x 0.0 = 0.0.

It was a blessing at first but I’m not gaining anything out of it besides money. Certainly not a career.

What did I do at work today? Surfed Internet joke sites.

What do I put on a resume? A bunch of lies.

Interviews for a different job?
> Name a time where you had a problem and how did you resolve it?
I just make up some bullshit answer and/or exaggerate and hope they buy it.

Hey, I’m writing this at work right now.

What I wouldn’t give for some worthwhile work.

On a side note one really good thing is I can apply to jobs while at work. Because that’s what I imagine productivity to be.

Good

Good, gooder, goodest, more good, most good, more gooder, most gooder, more goodest, most goodest, better, best.