1 – Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
2 – Half the people you know are below average.
3 – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
4 – 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5 – A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
6 – A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
7 – The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
8 – If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
9 – Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
10 – When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
11 – Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
12 – Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
13 – I intend to live forever……so far, so good.
14 – Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
15 – If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
16 – A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
17 – Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
18 – The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
19 – The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.